Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
