She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
