yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
