i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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