i think my tv is drunk
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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