You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
