dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
