I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
