You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
