Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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