So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
