Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
