is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
