I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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