Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
