Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
they're like a gay fantastic four
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
