Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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