i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
