I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
