one word: firstdatebathroomanal
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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