I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
