Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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