Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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