Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
