wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
