first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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