She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I want a musical about memes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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