Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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