I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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