If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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