Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
