My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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