Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
