while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
