she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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