You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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