I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I had to cum in my sink.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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