It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
