whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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