who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
