that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you will always have a special place in my vag
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
