I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
