I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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