it was like eating out sand paper
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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