I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she pinky promised me she was 18
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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