The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
