So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
