dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
