If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
