Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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