she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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