apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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