no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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