i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
