smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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